How much did they steal from you this year?

It's that (belated) time of year, time for the PLCB to tell us what a wonderful job they are doing and what a swell place to work they have. Their Annual Report is out (you can download the PDF document here), and the truth is in there; we just have to root it out. 

We say it's "that time of year," but it's not, actually, because the annual report took a ludicrous four months to come out...again. Last time it took four months they said, "Ohh, there were special considerations with the new tax code." No new tax code this year, and they didn't bother with a new excuse. What's the point: it's all lies anyway.

Onward! Right on page 2 there's a mission statement (emphasis added):

The mission of the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board is to responsibly sell wine and spirits as a retailer and wholesaler, regulate Pennsylvania’s alcohol industry, promote alcohol education and social responsibility and maximize financial returns for the benefit of all Pennsylvanians.

Funny how the part about maximizing revenue isn't in the liquor code. Just as well, since based on the available statistics they aren't doing a very good job on the stuff that is, like alcohol education or social responsibility; at least, not compared to states on our border. Their own report on these outcomes shows that students who consumed alcohol in the past year went up from 81.4% to 83%  After 85 years of the PLCB, 85 years of CONTROL FAILURE...maybe it is time to try a different system. Any normal business wouldn't survive 85 years of failure.

What have they done to us lately? After record sales (and record variably-priced screwing us) PLCB liabilities went down $2.03 million on over $1.1 billion dollars of debt. A payback rate of over 500 years, and getting worse. It was "only" 400 years previously. For some reason they don't report that number. Another interesting part of their financial reporting is that they say, on five pages in a row, that "The accompanying notes are an integral part of these statements." And then don't list what any of the accompanying notes are. They aren't going to verify what they are saying; just believe them, because they have such a great track record of telling the truth.

Another thing they don't tell us is that while variable pricing was supposed to be a partnership where the public was supposed to receive some benefit, we don't know what the benefit is in dollar terms. We can look at past financial statements and see that the PLCB is making almost double what it used to. That's almost all because of lower acquisition costs, but where is the share that the public was supposed to get?  We may have seen a 2% reduction in prices, and even that might be high. For every extra $100 they make, we are probably lucky to see a $2 reduction, spread across a number of products. Even then the PLCB still screws us, because of their rounding formula. Rounding is not considered part of "mark-up," so they can hide that from us, just like they hid what the mark-ups actually are now.

It all goes back to the total lack of leadership and experience of those at the top. They are never held responsible for the lack of progress under their leadership, so the status quo, or even a slip in the status quo, is the norm. On the business side it is even worse. I can understand hiring political hacks if you don't want things to improve in a structured order. But when you've got a failed congressman, a political chief of staff, and a furniture company exec it doesn't seem to be the path to a successful liquor business. In 85 years there hasn't been a Yuengling or Jacquin's executive, or someone from a wine wholesaler or spirits importer, who was qualified and wanted to do the job...really?

When you think about this, keep in mind this quote from the Joint session of the House Liquor Control Committee and the Senate Law & Justice Committee of 2017 (adjusted a bit for truth):

SENATOR MCILHINNEY (former Chairman Senate L&J Committee, since retired): "... the state citizens own this system, and they should be able to get some...benefit by having a good  deal when they go to the liquor store."

MR. HOLDEN (Chairman: Liquor Control Board) : "Absolutely Absolutely not."

There, I fixed it for you, Tim.

Don't We Deserve a Better Board?

If we have to play by the PLCB rules...could we at least get a better set of players?

Back in 2015 in the Annual Report (page 2), the vision of the PLCB was stated as: "Be recognized as the best-in-class wine and spirits retailer, distributor and regulator in the United States."

Which meant that they wanted to be better than Utah, the only other wine and spirits retailer, distributor, and regulator in the United States. Not a high bar, considering Utah is practically an anti-alcohol theocracy. Four years later, how are they doing? Let's start at the top and go from there.

The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board has three members, none of which over the past 85 years has any previous knowledge of the liquor industry or about running a 2 billion dollar enterprise.

We have a Chairman who has no experience with even a million dollar business, let along something the size of the PLCB. He did make it to Congress, and served on the Livestock, Dairy, and Poultry subcommittee, and Transportation and Infrastructure committee, before the citizens decided that he wasn't doing the job they wanted and voted him out. Since there isn't much call for somebody who's chummy with with politicians, and knows a little about Livestock, Dairy & Poultry, the PLCB was a perfect place to put somebody who was owed a couple of favors.

Governor Corbett appointed Republican benefactor Mike Negra to the board. Mr. Negra does have a history of being involved in multiple successful businesses, so at least he has a concept of what is going on, but no actual hands on with the liquor business, or anything the size of the PLCB.

Lastly we have the newest member and first woman ever to serve on the board, Mary Isenhour. Although you wouldn't know it by looking at the PLCB website. Here it is, over a MONTH after her confirmation, and the PLCB still hasn't decided if she rates being included with the other board members. (Let's see how long it takes for them to include her once this is published.)*

Keeping the public informed through transparency is sadly not the way the PLCB works.  Remember that it took over 100 days before they removed Michael Newsome, and that was only after I poked them with a stick again. Newsome might still be there if I hadn't said anything.

What are Isenhour's qualifications? She was Gov. Wolf's Chief of Staff and a campaign aide. Her business experience is like the others, desperately lacking in knowledge and size. She replaced Michael Newsome, who was Gov. Wolf's CFO in the furniture business -- can't get more qualified to sell liquor than that...or can we?

Remember how we were comparing the PLCB to Utah's State Store System of Stores? So how does the Utah DABC stack up? They have a seven member board that's appointed, but there is also an advisory board of seven members...who must come from defined specific areas of expertise. The Governor can't just willy nilly pick his favorite dog walker to sit on the Advisory Board. Utah specifies that the advisory board members are selected from the following areas of expertise.

Retail Alcohol Industry — Wholesaler Industry — Manufacturing Industry — Restaurant Industry — Utah Substance Use and Mental Health Advisory Council — Alcohol or Drug Related Enforcement — Division of Substance Abuse and Mental Health — Alcohol or Drug Abuse Prevention and Education

The Utah version of a Superstore

Another view. Pretty nice, right? 

It is almost certain that since this system was adopted every Utah DABC Advisory member is far more qualified than any that have ever been appointed to the PLCB. This doesn't mean that Utah hasn't had their share of people of limited competence on the Liquor Board. The Governor selects the seven members of the Liquor Board, so it can be and likely is as full of hacks and cronies as Pennsylvania. The difference is that the Utah board can't go off the rails making arbitrary decisions without an adult from the Advisory Board watching them. No deciding that 12 packs are cases, no robot wine armies, no variably price screwing the citizens, and no being over a Billion in debt. Oh, and they have had women on the Boards for years already.


End the PLCB jobs program - PRIVATIZE


*True to form it only took the PLCB 42 days to finally put up a picture.  Not quite as bad as the 102 days it took to take down the board member she replaced.

100 Days and Counting -- Oh, Will You Look At That!

As I write this, former PLCB member Michael Newsome has been off the PLCB board for 100 days. But...his resumé is still on the PLCB website. It must be so hard having to find a page (on your own site) and push the Delete button. Until they delete it, you can see it here. If they finally got to it, here is a snip showing it was still up as of 12:37 March 18, 2019.

I got tired of waiting, so I sent them an email, just a little nudge (sent it this afternoon, March 18). I wonder if they realize that Mr. Newsome isn't coming back. When you can't even keep track of one of the top three guys running your agency, how well do you think they are doing with inventory, product choice, or other personnel?

It's said that if you take care of the little things. the big things take care of themselves. If you can't take care of either...you can always work for the PLCB.

Well, it turns out that poking them with a stick works. After posting about this on our Facebook page and sending them an email, they finally decided to remove the information — without any explanation about why it took so long. They did say that the "hidden page" had been removed, but guys...it wasn't hidden, you'd just removed the link. Pretty much the same way it went the last time I poked them about a Web screw-up. I should be getting some of that Joe Conti emergency consultant money!

PLCB to change name

It could happen this way. Maybe. 

In an unexpected move to comply with Pennsylvania "sunshine" laws and federal Truth In Advertising regulations, the PLCB (Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board) has voted to change its name. The two names considered will be left up to the public to choose (see below).

The two names under consideration underwent millions of dollars of testing (paid to a New York consulting group, the same people who came up with the hugely...unnoticed TableLeaf and FWAGS). They anticipate the changeover should only take about 50 years, to allow the use of all the old PLCB letterhead and a website update.

Board member "Skip" Byron explained that the change would take even longer if the stores were privatized. "Probably close to two hundred years. Another reason we shouldn't even think of privatizing - wasting all that paper."

He then laid out the main reason for the name change: misdirection. "The PLCB has gotten a well-deserved bad reputation," he said, "so the further we distance ourselves from that name, the better off we think we'll be. If we choose the right name, people will probably forget all about us being a monopoly. Does anybody still remember that "Fine Wine and Good Spirits Stores" are really State Stores?"

At this point, the PLCB's Minister of Propaganda (Stacey "Why'd I Take This Impossible Job" Kriedeman) pulled him away from the mike, and was overheard asking Byron if he were trying to ruin the whole $3 million rebranding program, requiring even more new signs.

Board chairman Tim Holden had this to say. "For many years the citizens have been asking the PLCB to change. We have heard your voices and have made the biggest change in PLCB history! This is bigger than wine kiosks or TableLeaf or special sections in the back of the store for PA products or anything we have ever done!" He disappeared behind the podium when Kriedeman tackled him, a large Hannibal Lector-type muzzle in her hands.

We have learned that customer voting on the name choice will commence on Veteran's Day, according to a confidential source (board member Michael Negra, but he asked us not to tell). "We won't be here to count them up -- it's another holiday -- but it doesn't matter, since you can vote as often as you want. Our IT department couldn't figure out how to limit the chronic alcohol users to one vote each." We had more questions, but Mr. Negra sprinted off when he saw Kriedeman running toward him.

She paused a moment to catch her breath, and we asked her if this was one of the more difficult assignments she has had with the PLCB. "You better believe it," she said. "It is near impossible to keep track of these three, and then having to say all those inane things trying to put some spin on what they blurt out...Stop taking notes. You can't print that."

Print what?

"You can't print what I just said"

Why not?

"Because if you do, you'll never buy a bottle in this state again!  I'll see to that!"

I don't buy anything in PA now.

"Then nobody you know, your friends, family, anybody with your last name will never get anything if you print that!"

Not a problem. I'll do a podcast instead; I have it all on tape.

She walked off, muttering.

The two proposed names?

Pennsylvania We'll Do And Say Anything To Keep Our Jobs Board
(PWDASATKOJB - kinda rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?)

Pennsylvania Let's Only Do A Little Or Nothing Group
(PLOD ALONG - now that has a nice Pennsylvania Dutch ring to it.)

I think I'll vote a few dozen times for PLOD ALONG, it has that nice tie to history and yet is moving slowly forward. You to can vote for PLOD ALONG...or you can contact your legislators and tell them it is past time to get the state out of the liquor business.

Breaking News: PLCB signs new ethics pledge...again

I swear I won't take any more graft ever again and I really mean it this time.. Sincerely, the PLCB

After beating out everyone in Harrisburg except the Turnpike Commission for disgraced employees, the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board (PLCB) unanimously voted on Friday to close loopholes in its code of conduct to prohibit employees from accepting any and all gifts from vendors or contractors. The move was to support Gov. Tom Wolf’s recently signed executive order that banned state employes from accepting gifts. PLCB employees were already prohibited from accepting alcoholic beverages offered by vendors or contractors, but there were exceptions that were not covered, such as T-shirts, pens, and other gifts.


"The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board already had one of the most restrictive codes of conduct in Pennsylvania state government, but these modifications make it even stronger,” PLCB Chairman Joseph "Skip" Brion said.  "No longer will vendors be able to give out 5,000 pens to senior management and get away with it like before. Outfitting our families for the next 3 generations with t-shirts will no longer be accepted, and will force the PLCB to revert back to the time when cash was the only acceptable form of coercion, just like in Grandpa's day!"

PLCB board member Tim "Rex" Holden fully agreed with the Chairnan's statements when caught during one of the board's 22 exhausting work days for this year. When asked what was in the box marked "Bic" this reporter saw him pushing under his desk with his foot, he replied it was "official PLCB business."

Member Mike "Sparky" Negra declined to comment on why the little league team he sponsors suddenly changed their name to the "Captain Morgan Spiced Rum Pirates," saying it was a personal decision not involving board policy or procedures; he noted that his other grandson is playing for the Erie Fireballs and his granddaughter was an American Honey cheerleader.

Pennsylvania citizens can now rest easy knowing that PLCB management, unlike before, now knows that taking graft of any kind is no longer acceptable and has signed a pledge saying so just like they did previously and that big liquor can no longer push the board into deciding what product to sell or brands to feature. [leave this out of the final copy - editor]

PLCB Executive Director John Metzger added, "Look, it's simple.  The longer we can keep unqualified people at the top doing things they perhaps shouldn't be doing — like golf weekends, pointless rebranding campaigns, wine kiosks, or what have you — the more we can promise we're gonna fix things, and the more window dressing we can put out to look like we are. This pledge is just one of those steps." 


Yeah, this is satire, but really, over the long run, nothing significant changes at the PLCB — everything remains the same (and hats off to the Philadelphia Inquirer for recognizing that in today's lead editorial). The only way fix that is to Privatize - the Ultimate Modernization.

Do it The PLCB Way: let the unqualified lead

I often say the PLCB is poorly run and mismanaged by unqualified people. The list of mistakes, foul-ups, and just plain ignorance is a long and funny read in a perverse sort of way. As the second largest U.S. retailer of wine, the PLCB didn't and still doesn't have a Certified Sommelier on staff. None of the Board has ever run any company even 10% the size of the PLCB. The Chairman's Selection buyer isn't highly certified. There are no educational requirements for management positions...the list goes on and on.

Maybe that is changing. The PLCB now lists a Jennifer Brown as "Specialty Wine Consultant" on their payroll. She's the only one, as of 15 July, but maybe more will follow. So just how qualified is this person to be a "consultant" to the great unknowing mass of cube rats who select what every Pennsylvanian is allowed to buy?  Let's look.

I got a bit excited when I found Jennifer Brown was a certified Sommelier, a member of the Society of Wine Educators, and pursuing entrance into the Master of Wine program, along with attending the Wine Business Program at Sonoma State University in California, including viticulture and enology course work at UC Davis.  But alas...this is not the same Jennifer Brown hired by the PLCB. The one we have is a marketing person who worked or is still working as the Luxury Buyer France/CA of the PLCB Luxury division. You certainly don't want a certified and qualified person doing that job do you?

In fact, she herself lists wine tasting 4th of things she knows best behind Marketing Strategy, Marketing, and Sales.

I don't know about you, but that just about explains everything that I need to know about the selection process for Luxury French and California wine by the PLCB. My advice is go to Moore Brothers and talk to some people who care more about good wine than good marketing.


Oh, and that other Jennifer Brown, the really qualified one, also works in wine marketing -- for a private firm much, much smaller than the PLCB. Lucky them. Too bad for us.

The Numbers Game

The latest news is that the  PLCB hired an acting executive director to oversee operations.  This is the same guy that oversaw storing extra wine in trailers in the summer as the Director of Supply Chain. Maybe if the board worked more than 21 days a year (2013) they wouldn’t need a $150K babysitter.

NEWS FLASH! The Board is going to work 22 mostly half days in 2014.  That will surely improve things.

On to the reason of the post today.  I heard The Numbers Game by Thievery Corporation on the radio and that got me thinking about the PLCB and their numbers. Somehow Thievery Corporation and PLCB just meshed….weird how that is.

In 2008 and 2011 the PLCB did a survey about border bleed and buyers habits.  Seems like that time should be coming around again.  This time I have a suggestion for them.  Drive to New Jersey, ask nicely of the store owner or manager of Joe Canal’s or Moore Brothers if you can survey the people in their parking lot and then survey all of the PA plates you want, I’m certain you won’t have any problem finding a few hundred or more any day of the week. Who knows, one might be mine.  Do the same in Delaware with Total Wine and in Maryland. This way you get people who are actually buying not just saying they are buying to a survey taker.

Take all that info and then compare it to all those zip codes you bother the crap out of consumers to collect, add up what they spent with all the other out of state receipts and then tell us how bad the border bleed is. Some of your workers are frothing at the mouth on the internet saying how many Canadians, New Yorkers, Ohioans, Marylanders and West Virginians are coming by the bus and ship load to buy here in PA.  You have the numbers so tell us.  

I think since you never have said a word about positive border bleed it really is inconsequential no matter how good you say the stores are or how much you think the prices are competitive.  I think it is so bad as to be embarrassing compared to what leaves PA which is why you have never done it.  Here is your chance to strike a blow for socialist liquor control.  Prove to us how good it is or tell us what we already know – that the people really don’t like or want the state store system and would rather buy from a free market store than a government controlled store.  Maybe the new guy can take this ball and run with it. Just don’t wait too long, you don’t have that much time left.

Privatization IS Modernization and NOW is the time.

Will Corbett Give Conti The Axe?

Check this out, from John Micek's Morning Call politics blog "Capitol Ideas." 

"Absolutely," Corbett told reporters this morning when he was asked whether he wanted to scrap the six-figure position now held by Joe [Da CEO] Conti, a former Republican state senator from Bucks County. Conti, who is paid $156,000 a year, was appointed to the job by ex-Gov. Ed Rendell.
"I have never saw the reason for the initial appointment for the CEO. I still don't see the reason for the appointment of the CEO," Corbett said. "But I need two votes. I need two votes on the board to change that."

"Absolutely." And with the ethics issues that came out today, I'm guessing that the board member he's looking to replace to get those two votes...is PJ "PJ" Stapleton. That will shake things up.

"Shit! We all just got fired!"

This is a great solution. I've been concerned about Conti's gaffes and screw-ups. They're great for privatization, the man is The Gift That Keeps On Giving, but...he's been delivering too much lately. I was afraid that he was finally going to get canned, and then they might replace him with someone who's actually got the chops for the job. That would give us The Newman Problem: a PLCB that's just good enough to lull people to sleep and keep stumbling along, when we could get rid of the thing and get the good booze access other Americans enjoy -- at least, that some of our neighbors do.

But dump Conti and the whole CEO position? Brilliant, why the hell didn't I think of that? It's because governments rarely allow any position to go away, but we might get lucky. If Corbett started cutting a top manager from the PLCB every month...well, it would be a start!

New PLCB Chairman in Favor of Privatization

• Will new PLCB Chairman Skip Brion preside over the agency's demise? 
• Is Mike Turzai's HB11 the road to the promised land of privatization, or too flawed to survive?
• Does the PFM report on privatization change anything?
• Will Governor Corbett step in with his own proposal on privatization?
• Does anyone other than Hereditary Union President For Life Wendell W. Young IV and State Store System employees ever write anything in favor of the PLCB in Pennsylvania newspapers?
• Where's Joe "CEO" Conti disappeared to?

 There's so much going on with the PLCB that it's hard to address it in one post...especially when I'm getting back to things after two months of heavy travel and a ton of work. So I'll give it a shot in a couple of posts instead. First: the latest news.


Joseph "Skip" Brion was confirmed as the newest member of the PLCB on Tuesday, Nov. 1, and immediately became Chairman. Brion is a Chester County Republican, a lawyer (what a shock...), and openly in favor of privatization. Brion will chair his first meeting next week, and has said the Board needs to "open itself up and be more in tune with what’s going on at the Capitol." That would certainly be a refreshing change, given how totally tone-deaf the PLCB has been in recent years.

But is anything really going to change because of this? Not likely. Brion may be pro-privatization, but he's still a politician, and that means that when the chips are down, privatization rhetoric aside, he's looking for more of your money -- sorry, more revenue -- to spend on programs of variable worth. So don't expect the high taxes that are the most unsupportable part of HB11 (yeah; more coming on that, and soon) to change.

In fact, Brion has made noises that he's interested in "modernizing" the PLCB. And that makes my heart sink. Because I can tell you exactly what will happen. They'll get some stuff through the Legislature -- how, I'll be damned if I know, because we can't seem to get a simple thing like killing the damned case law through in 20 years! -- and the We-Know-What-You-Really-Need Committee will continue their latest course of buying every single crackpot product that comes on the market (even though no one in the system has the slightest clue on what they are or how to sell them), and they'll make a big stinking deal out of it (spending millions more of your tax dollars on marketing a police-enforced monopoly)...and we'll be satisfied just enough to let privatization fade. And within five years, they'll be back to the same lackadaisical shit job they were doing two years ago before Tom Corbett came along and made privatization an issue and got them scared.

Is that too harsh? Think I don't know what I'm talking about? Well, friend, just cast your memory back to the Chairmanship of Jonathan Newman. Remember that? Back when "Chairman's Selection" actually meant something other than "No one else wanted this stuff, so they cut us a deal on it, and we bought a whole bunch and stuck it in a hot trailer for a while"? Because things were great for a while, and Newman was energized, and enthused, and then what always, inevitably happens at this agency happened: someone noticed a buttload of money, and started screwing with it. And all of a sudden we had Joe Da CEO popped in there -- because he had so much experience in off-premise retail and running a huge wholesaling operation, right? -- fiddling with the knobs and pulling on the strings. And the wheels fell off. If you don't think that exact same thing would happen after "modernization," I've got a bridge to sell you.

Don't fall for it. Stay staunch. Let's get rid of HB11, take Corbett's report, and forge a good privatization bill. Blow open the number of stores, find state jobs for the union clerks, get beer in there, kill the case law, open the borders, lower the ridiculously high taxes, and then watch jobs get created. Watch the restaurants in Philly bloom, watch our already great beer scene blossom, and watch the state catch up to the 21st century. Don't give up now: keep the pressure on your legislators.

More to come. Shortly.

Where's Joe "CEO" Conti disappeared to?