Just Imagine...

Imagine that the Commonwealth controlled meat sales like they do with wine. Crazy, sure, but the State Store System of Stores doesn't make sense either. Just go with it. Along with the butchers who came in every day and cut the steaks and chops and ground the burger, there was this one guy, The Meat Master, who got to select special meats from all over that you couldn't normally find in Pennsylvania, mainly because the Meat Control Board didn't know what they were. You know, like the guy at the PLCB who picks the Chairman's Selections.

This Meat Master, he must really know his meat, right? He should be able to tell Choice from Wagyu with just one chew, have a couple of years as a certified master butcher, so he knows first hand all the different cuts of meat available: beef, pork, poultry, game, sausage and charcuterie. He's the Meat Master, you'd want to be sure he knows what he's doing so that the citizens of Pennsylvania get the absolute best meat possible.

Yeah, except the real Meat Master has only read about meat. He's eaten lots of burgers and pork chops, and even had some fine hand-cut Delmonico steaks. But he never actually had to prove his ability by being able to differentiate different cuts and grades of meat by taste. On top of that, his certification test to identify different cuts was all home study and he never actually did any work in a kitchen or butcher shop. He has the lowest possible certification as a butcher, but he's never so much as boned a chicken.

You've probably guessed; this is about wines at the the PLCB, not meat at the Meat Control Board. The new head of the Chairman's Selection, Josh Hull, is a Certified Specialist of Wine. It sounds pretty fancy, but what does it actually mean?  A CSW is the lowest certification provided by The Society Of Wine Educators (SWE), the bottom rung of one of the four main wine certification organizations. 

The CSW certification has no official class time required to sit for an exam. It is entirely an independent study program. After passing an exam, the credentials are appended to an individual’s name, which is appealing for those aiming to make themselves more marketable in the wine and spirits industry. It's...about one step above being a mail-order preacher. It is better than the in-house PLCB certification, but that ain't saying much.

If you think that this guy is the standard that the rest of the wine world is striving to achieve, that pretty much sums up what a lot of the problems are at the PLCB. Delusion seems to be at or near the top of the list. My waiter the last time I was in DC * had better credentials than the guy selecting Chairman's Selection wines. How do I know this? He had his pin on for completion of the introductory Sommeliers course.

For some of the top wine programs it takes years of study, multiple exams, hands on tasting, and having to prove your expertise. The Institute of Masters of Wine "seeks to educate those on the leading edge of the wine world." That pretty much explains why there are none in the PLCB. We wouldn't want that for Pennsylvania would we?

The reality is that the Chairman's Selection Program often buys wine that didn't sell when faced with free market competition. Consumers - en masse - already decided that there are or were better wines available at those particular price points. That isn't to say they are bad wines, just not popular. 
 
What do you do when you have a product that doesn't sell?  You put it on sale, perhaps try to offer it in other places that wouldn't normally carry it like...The Dollar Store. Or Pennsylvania. If this stuff was so good, why didn't the super-duper wine selectors at the PLCB select it in the first place?

The PLCB should have hired an already highly certified and qualified person who could then train up their platoon of wine buyers and wine specialists past the "PLCB standards" to industry recognized standards, thereby improving the consumer experience. Remember us? The consumers? 

Pennsylvania is a dumping ground for wine the rest of the country didn't want. Shouldn't we at least have somebody who is the absolute best picking out the gems from the dregs?




*Bourbon Steak at the Four Seasons - highly recommended especially if somebody else is paying for it. BTW, they have 3 Sommeliers on staff, the PLCB has none.

Chalmers Selection Event Wine, For all your PLCB events!

HARRISBURG, Pa., April 14, 2019 /PRNewswireless/  

The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board Fine Wine and Good Spirits State-Owned Monopoly Retail Stores Of Distinction is proud to announce exclusive Pennsylvania rights to the new Chalmers Reserve Event Wine. Presenting a bottle of Chalmers Reserve Event Wine to Chairman Tim Holden (represented for the event by a cardboard cut-out figure), Director of Wines (Other) Sue Broomhall stated, "Everybody at the PLCB knows that the better the commercial, the better the wine. One bottle of Chalmers and your party will certainly get started."

"So true!" shouted a group of non-certified wine specialists from the PLCB's luxurious tasting room. 

"And Pennsylvania consumers won't even have to pay the $1 a bottle cost mentioned in the commercial" Ms. Broomhall continued. "With the flexible pricing authorization of Act 39 allowing us to negotiate prices and markup, we are proud to bring this to Pennsylvania for only $14.99 a bottle!"

For further information on this and other exciting items soon to be seen at the State Store System of Stores, or maybe at the return of the Wine Kiosks®, please contact your local store. They'll be glad to provide whatever they decide you need. 

The PLCB: Where luxury starts one step above Mad Dog.

Luxury — Merriam-Webster defines "luxury" as "something that is expensive and not necessary."

Just a tad below 'Luxury', says the PLCB

The January PLCB product catalog lists 11,146 luxury wines starting at $5.49, which to me seems to be a bit of an oxymoron, since that's only 50 cents more than Mad Dog 20/20...which is definitely not a luxury (although it is "not necessary"). In comparison, there are only 2,451 "regular" wines listed, with the most expensive non-holiday offering being $155 — but that isn't luxury, according to the PLCB.

82% of the non-SLO wines listed are Luxury items, including all of the so-called "Chairman's Selections", and ALL of these wines are selected by the Luxury Product Team...six people in Harrisburg. The PLCB says that "Luxury Product wines are personally selected by our Luxury Product Team." Since there is also a Chairman's Selection team and all Chairman's Selections are Luxury items, I guess they get selected twice.

The selection criteria is stated as, "The products are managed geographically and reviewed for soundness, price/value relationship, and market appeal. The luxury division reviews wines during offering periods throughout the calendar year to insure a constant flow of the world’s best wines into our premium collection stores." No mention about tasting, just the marketing, which given that there aren't any highly wine certified people in the PLCB makes sense....unless you are a consumer who isn't allowed to go anywhere else and choose for themselves. 

Could you imagine 6 people actually trying to taste 11,000+ wines that would be only...let's see...11,146 divided by six is 1,857 each, over 240 work days, or just under 8 wines per day every work day.  Doable but not feasible.Or maybe they get together every Friday and do 38 different wines each.  More likely they don't try the majority of the wines selected as "Luxury."

The PLCB where Luxury starts at $5.49. God help us rid ourselves of these idiots.

Privatize.

Do it The PLCB Way: let the unqualified lead

I often say the PLCB is poorly run and mismanaged by unqualified people. The list of mistakes, foul-ups, and just plain ignorance is a long and funny read in a perverse sort of way. As the second largest U.S. retailer of wine, the PLCB didn't and still doesn't have a Certified Sommelier on staff. None of the Board has ever run any company even 10% the size of the PLCB. The Chairman's Selection buyer isn't highly certified. There are no educational requirements for management positions...the list goes on and on.

Maybe that is changing. The PLCB now lists a Jennifer Brown as "Specialty Wine Consultant" on their payroll. She's the only one, as of 15 July, but maybe more will follow. So just how qualified is this person to be a "consultant" to the great unknowing mass of cube rats who select what every Pennsylvanian is allowed to buy?  Let's look.

I got a bit excited when I found Jennifer Brown was a certified Sommelier, a member of the Society of Wine Educators, and pursuing entrance into the Master of Wine program, along with attending the Wine Business Program at Sonoma State University in California, including viticulture and enology course work at UC Davis.  But alas...this is not the same Jennifer Brown hired by the PLCB. The one we have is a marketing person who worked or is still working as the Luxury Buyer France/CA of the PLCB Luxury division. You certainly don't want a certified and qualified person doing that job do you?

In fact, she herself lists wine tasting 4th of things she knows best behind Marketing Strategy, Marketing, and Sales.

I don't know about you, but that just about explains everything that I need to know about the selection process for Luxury French and California wine by the PLCB. My advice is go to Moore Brothers and talk to some people who care more about good wine than good marketing.


Oh, and that other Jennifer Brown, the really qualified one, also works in wine marketing -- for a private firm much, much smaller than the PLCB. Lucky them. Too bad for us.

A recent State Store experience

Forgot to tell you about this one. We had a nice bottle of wine back in the spring, an Alma Negra Bonarda Malbec, a dark Argentine red. It was so good I remembered it, and come December, when we were shopping for Christmas presents, I wanted to get a bottle for someone (and a couple for myself). I went to the State Store here in Newtown, and started looking.

No luck, so I whipped out the iPhone, and went to the PLCB's product search website to see if they even had it. They did, and when I drilled down further, I found that the local store (good old Store #0909!) had -- at that time -- 126 bottles of it. Couldn't find it in the Argentine section. So, against my better judgment, I asked a clerk. I'm looking for an Argentine Malbec called Alma Negra, I said (I'll admit my ignorance: I didn't know that Bonarda was a varietal. Malbec was all I recognized), could you help me find it? His very first words were "Oh, no, we don't have anything by that name." Very helpful!

Luckily, I still had the iPhone out, and I told him, Actually, the LCB website says you have 126 bottles of it! Maybe it's up front; it's a Chairman's Selection. And the guy says, "Oh, no, that's not a Chairman's Selection. We don't have any Argentine Malbecs as Chairman's." I was stunned, a bit, but rallied: Yes, it is, it says so right on your website. And I went towards the front of the store -- and almost tripped over the stuff. It was sitting in the middle of an aisle (among the domestics, far from the Argentina section...), four cases of it topped by an open case, with a Chairman's Selection sign on it.

Here it is, I said brightly, thanks! And he comes up, picks up the bottle, and points to the label, and says, "Oh, you see: it's a blend. It's not a Malbec." So I grinned, and said, You're right, I'm sorry. What else was I going to do? I was really, really sorry that I had to buy wine from people who clearly knew nothing about their stock -- and the guy's been working there for years -- and couldn't care less about helping a customer find a product.

See, this is why I grit my teeth when I read letters to the editor and comments on blogs where people talk about the wonderful service they get at the State Stores. Because while I'm sure there are at least some SS clerks out there who really want to help, and really know the products (there was a younger guy at #0909 who actually knew something about whiskey, although he was obnoxious about it), I have not had those kinds of experience. Cash register service? Just fine, no complaints. But advice? Guidance? Even common courtesy out in the aisles? You get better service at Home Depot.

And if this system went away, and we got private stores...I could just go somewhere else. But in PA? There's no point. And I'm literally forbidden by law to shop in New Jersey (and bring anything home, that is).

Chairman's Selection? Or Chairman's Dumping Ground?

The PLCB sent out a press release yesterday, heralding the "Biggest Chairman's Selection(TM) Sale of 2009"! In case you don't know by now, the idea of the "Chairman's Selection" originated back when Jonathan Newman was the PLCB Chairman. He came up with the amazingly original idea of using the state monopoly's enormous buying power to secure large lots of great wines at a discounted price, passing the savings on to customers. The program was a big success, as it delivered wine value to Pennsylvanians for the first time since Repeal. Since Newman left, the program has been criticized for losing its way, selling wines of questionable quality at suspicious discounts.

Well, fear not: the PLCB has come clean! Here's what they say about this new sale:

Incredible Savings at Pa Wine & Spirits Stores
Clearance will make room for new wine selections
The biggest Chairman's Selection(TM) sale of the year begins at Pennsylvania Wine & Spirits Stores on Wednesday, July 1, to make room for new Chairman's Selections(TM) wines arriving this summer.
Because this is an inventory-reduction sale, not every reduced-price selection will be available in every store. "The inventory of sale wines will vary greatly by store, and they'll only be available while current supplies last," Short said. "Once these are gone, we are rolling out exciting new Chairman's Selections(TM) for summer and fall."
Specific sale wines can be transferred upon request from one store to another, but a shipping fee will be charged for this service.

Yup. The Chairman's Selection has been reduced to a fire sale. Slash the prices, call 'em "special values," and get 'em off the floor, because you need room for new stuff. The curtain has been ripped aside, and the PLCB revealed for what it is: a government monopoly that doesn't know or give a damn about the products it sells -- or the profits -- just about how to move product and keep the cashflow turning.

Jonathan Newman would be appalled, only he's got a private wine business now...and you can't get his wines in PA. Anyone surprised by that? I mean, what could they call them? The Ex-Chairman's Selection?