A Look Back At The Wine Kiosks

We have a guest post today. A member of our Facebook group -- Abolish the PLCB -- Rewrite the Code! -- Wende Phifer Mate, wrote a remembrance of the wine kiosks. It was so good, we decided to run it here (with permission, of course).

Great moments in PLCB history. 

Did anyone ever try to purchase wine from one these kiosks? I lamented the passing of them because they provoked more laughter than most comedians do.

Among the highlights:

• The instructions - not bad if you had an hour to kill.
• The ID checker - you had to put your drivers license into a slot, then look into a camera in order to pass on to the next test. Hard to do with a straight face.
• The breathalyzer - yes, you had to breathe into a weird tube before the machine would allow you to proceed. It did not always register that it had been breathed into until you were about to pass out from trying.
• Choosing your wine - you had to wade though the whole list of available wines on the touchscreen. There was no other way to make a selection. Needless to say, it took some people FOR...EV...ER to get through this part. 
• The delivery system - It was like those candy machines that push the item forward until it drops. Has there ever been a more stupid idea! I watched one of my bottles crash to the floor inside the machine before it got to the collection window. I read later that this was a very common occurrence.
• The bags - Plastic bottle bags were provided but three that I pulled out had slits in the bottom. Bottle goes in, bottle goes right out the bottom. (That's another sale!)

In short, they worked just as you'd expect they would, coming from the masterminds running the PLCB.


We miss them too, Wende, but like some of Joe "Da CEO" Conti's best moments, they are a gift that keeps on giving. Whenever the PLCB starts to seem reasonable, just remember: they're only one brain-fart away from another great idea like the Wine Robot Army. That's why we say:

Privatize.