Famous PLCB sayings in History

While the Legislature is taking their vacation, just walking away and leaving the most important business they have undone, we thought we'd have a little fun too. We took a few famous quotes from history, and adjusted them to suit the PLCB situation. After all, the Governor spent 35 minutes on the last meeting I thought I could spend 35 minutes working on this too.  Just having some fun...mostly.

Give me the PLCB or give me death. It doesn't matter that they are both the same. - Anonymous UFCW state store clerk

I cannot tell a lie, I really hate the PLCB. - George Washington Smith (the first customer from Pennsylvania at Total Wine in Delaware)

Ask not what the PLCB can do for you, Ask what you can do for the PLCB. Chairman's statement at first Board Meeting. 4/1/33

Let every citizen know, whether they wish us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success -- okay, just the survival -- of  the PLCB - Governor Wolf on the current budget talks 

Real patriotism is a willingness to challenge the PLCB when it's wrong. - Ron Paul when looking for a good bottle of Scotch in Philadelphia 2015 

Never in the field of human conflict were so many held hostage by so few. - Winston "Churchill" Rabinowitz when asked about state stores in 1946 

You can always count on the PLCB to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.-

Testimony of Auditor General about Wine Kiosks  3/14/11 

Nobody will ever deprive the Pennsylvania citizens of the right to price, selection and service except the Pennsylvania citizens themselves, and the only way they could do this is by continuing to vote for those who support the PLCB. - "Franky D" Roosevelt 1968 

Since when have we Pennsylvanians been expected to bow submissively to the PLCB and speak with awe and reverence to those who serve us? - William "Judge" Douglas buying drinks for a family reunion 8/9/54 

So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified PLCB interpretations which paralyze needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.  "Franky D" Roosevelt  forty years later in 2008 

The PLCB way of "control"

The objection to Puritans, like the PLCB, is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think. - H.L. Mencken,  The Bard of Baltimore


I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against the PLCB and every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas "TJ" Jefferson after waiting 4 weeks for his SLO order only to find out it still isn't in. 2009 

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. If you are from Pennsylvania, you have to go out of state and catch it yourself -.Benny Franklin, buying liquor for his daughter's wedding at Moore Brothers in NJ, 1982. 

The cost of liquor is always high, but Pennsylvanians have always paid it. But one path we shall never choose, and that is the path of surrender, or PLCB modernization. - John F. Kennedy, Centre county resident speaking to his Democrat Representative Scott Conklin about privatization 2013

What do you need to run a business? Three simple things: know your product better than anyone; know your customer, and have a burning desire to succeed. The PLCB fails all three. David "Burger" Thomas owner of Dave's Liquors Pennsauken, NJ. 1983

No booze is good booze - Governor Pinchot speaking at the founding of the PLCB 1933

I'll leave you with this unadulterated quote:

Time is the friend of the wonderful business, the enemy of the mediocre. Warren Buffett

And the PLCB's time is DONE!

The Citizens Proclaim: April is Alcohol Monopoly Awareness Month

Commonwealth citizens — we, the people forced to shop at State Stores — issued the following statement today.

The Citizens want to remind all Pennsylvanians that April Is Alcohol Monopoly Awareness month.  All people of the state should take notice if anyone they know is suffering from any of the following symptoms.

You may have a monopoly problem if you:

• Feel guilty or ashamed about about buying in a state store.
• Lie to others or hide your out of state purchases.
• Have friends or family members bring back cheaper items in their travels.
• Need to go to real liquor stores in order to save money and feel better.
• "Black out" or forget what you did while going to 3 different places in PA.
• Regularly don't find what you want at the price you want in state stores.

"Monopoly is not usually caused by a few purchases. Like with any other money addiction, it is a Legislative disease that can affect any Representative," said the acting Secretary of Consumer Affairs. "Too often, stigma, laws and fines associated with monopoly will many times prevent individuals from seeking better shopping experiences elsewhere. We want to encourage individuals to seek help for their monopoly problem, to get the state back on track to something normal. This is a disease that requires privatization; and privatization works."

Underage drinking is also a concern. Research shows that kids on our borders are less likely to abuse alcohol even though they don't live in a monopoly state. That coupled with lower rates of DUI, DUI fatalities. and binge drinking in the non-monopoly border states make not living in a monopoly a better choice for most people.

Don't believe "control" is dangerous? Listen to the grand imperial wizard of booze monopoly explain it. "A very important part of the PLCB's mission is to promote more consumption among those 21 and older," said PLCB Chairman Tim Holden. "Can't hit that extra $185 million the Governor wants without vastly increasing sales. With the new super-modernized monopoly power, we can raise prices and put up stronger border prevention to make sure people only buy in PA."*   

Together we can prevent the monopoly from affecting another generation of Pennsylvanians, stop our citizens from being the laughingstock across the land, and finally get the price, selection, and service that has been denied to us for over 80 years. Contact your legislators and ask them to end the monopoly and move Pennsylvania back to normal...do it for yourselves, do it for the children.

The Citizens represent most of the 12 million people in the Commonwealth who work in the southeast, northeast and central, western and all parts of  Pennsylvania in supermarkets, drug stores, food processing plants, government services, manufacturing facilities, nursing homes, professional offices, and all businesses, except Pennsylvania's "Fine" Wine and "Good" Spirits Stores.


*No, Tim Holden didn't actually say that; this is satire.