The Buffalo Trace and Pappy Van Winkle poster contest!

HARRISBURG, Pa., Oct. 15, 2018 /PVWNewswire/ -- The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board (PLCB) wants to get more underage students involved in their anti-drinking poster contest...and has also started a pro-drinking poster contest to publicize the agency's lottery of rare whiskeys.

A PLCB employee (who was not authorized to lie like the official spokesperson) explained it this way. "There are millions of kids in the Commonwealth, and most of them are drinking more than the kids in New Jersey, New York, Delaware, Ohio, Maryland, or West Virginia, so they don't seem to be that interested in making posters. The adults aren't either; they don't see how important working with L.C. Bee* is: posters can make a real difference!"

These are Daddy's favorites.... 
until he gets some Pappy!
A brilliant first effort from a 10th grader in Shamokin Dam 
that advertises some State Store best-sellers!

The breakthrough moment came when some bureaucrat at the agency had a brain-surge: put a carrot on the stick! "We knew that the adults were interested in hard-to-find whiskeys," the completely unauthorized source continued, "so we thought, 'Why not allow the people who submitted the best posters an inside chance at the limited release lotteries!' That gets the adults involved, and they'll make sure the kids make posters too, so they can try and score some rare bottles! It is the perfect synergy: parents getting involved in their kid's activities, and kids learning about drinking from their folks. And when they grow up and buy more, the PLCB gets more revenue to give to the Commonwealth! After we skim off our ever-increasing operations expenses, that is."

Mom bought these at the PLCB!

This poster contest also teaches kids about business. It's pure supply and demand; almost like the real world (except in Pennsylvania, where the PLCB is somewhere in the middle, shifting the market). Kids get to learn about secondary (gray) markets, cost/value, and stupidity — all at the same time! Not to mention the art and illustration practice, drawing all those bottles and labels that we expect to see in the posters!


No, this isn't real. But if it were? We're sure it would be another example of a PLCB idea no one can remember who came up with, or find any paperwork on it. Like the house brands or wine kiosks. 

Privatize.

*

L.C. Bee! He's real! He's coming
for your parents,
the chronic alcohol abusers!